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Gir
Feb 1st '16, 12:47 AM
Literature of the week


Ladies and Gentlemen! The results are in for the Literature of the week contest with the theme:

"A X, a Y and a Z walk into a bar"



The criteria on which the entries were hopefully judged were:

Creativity
Originality
Impact on the reader



Without further delays here are your winners!



First place goes to Stein !

I must find a way to put an end to this chase, I cant run any longer. He racked his brains to determine the best way out of this situation. He didnt know how many were after him but given his reputation guessing wouldnt be fun. At least they had not seen his face. He noticed a bar and headed towards it. This is where they will lose me, he thought and stepped in.

We have his description sir, this time he cant get away. I request reinforcements to surround the bar Lupin. I am going in now. They will arrive in ten minutes. This time we got you, Jones thought entering the bar, only to be stopped by a large man. A bouncer huh, well, looks like a fancy bar after all.
Good evening sir, do you have a reservation? asked the bouncer.
Shut up and let me through. No, let me through, I am with the police Jones replied, showing his ID.
I am very sorry sir, is there any problem?
Man, average height, thin, wearing black pants. He entered five minutes ago, didnt he?
He most definitely did sir; he looked nervous and in a hurry, seemed suspicious.
I already know that, idiot. Thank you for your cooperation. Please ensure that no one else enters. Reinforcements will arrive shortly. he said and walked inside, passing a small corridor to enter the main room of the bar.

Jones scanned the room trying to determine who could be suspicious. The fugitive was after all the Eel, a master of disguise. The building would soon be surrounded. Ten minutes, all I have to do is not let him escape in these ten minutes. He nervously checked for his gun, ready to fire any time, his hands trembling with anticipation. Jones hated the bastard after being humiliated by him so many times in the past. Better keep my identity secret for now, any commotion caused could be used against me.

Carefully, not losing the exit from his eyes he approached the bar and asked the barman if a man that fitted the description had entered before him. He did, headed straight to the restroom, the barman replied. Is there a way to get outside from there? Jones asked anxiously, sweating. A strange question pointed out the barman, taken by surprise. Answer me! Jones demanded, losing patience. Please, he added, trying to cover up for this slip up. No, there is no way out except the entrance answered the barman annoyed. Jones looked him in the eye and then let out a deep sigh of relief. He is not lying, but I cant relax yet. I wont let you escape now, Eel. He ordered a drink but never touched it. He kept checking the patrons over and over, not missing a move. A middle-aged man stood up and moved towards the exit. Could it be him? A final, desperate attempt? If he continues, should I reveal myself or just inform the ones coming? He was still calculating the different scenarios when some tense moments later the man sat next to a couple of women, greeting them. That was close, just a couple more minutes remaining. Finally, his phone rang, giving an end to his agony.

We have surrounded the building, Henderson and Thomas entering now. Jones felt satisfied and allowed himself to finally relax. Surely this case would come to an end now. You were unlucky this time, Eel. A mocking smirk formed on his face. Henderson and Thomas appeared. This time you got him Jones, Thomas said laughing, patting him on the back. Yes, I knew I got him this time, both the bouncer and the barman saw him, he is trapped. Thomas smiled again. Well, drinks are on you then, Jones. Barman, I will have a he started saying but the barman interrupted him.
I am sorry to interrupt you and I apologize for overhearing you, my dear gentlemen, but what bouncer? We have no bouncer.




Second place goes to Gir !

An American, a Russian and an Islamic Terrorist walk into a bar.
They look around for a while, then sit at the counter.
Soon enough a heated discussion ensues. After a few minutes they call the barkeep in frustration.
Look mate they said to him feverishly We need you to settle a dispute. Which one of us is the most dangerous?
The barkeep takes not a second to reply: The American, easily.
After being pressured to explain his reasoning he says.
The Islamic Terrorist will walk into my bar, with a gun, and will start shooting at people until he runs out of bullets or is taken out by my trusty boom stick.
The Russian will walk into my bar, with a gun, point it at me, and threaten to take over my business. He will either put me out of business or, again, be removed by my boom stick.
The American, however, will walk into my bar with a lot of guns, and will give them to all my drunk customers so they can defend themselves against the Russian and the Islamic Terrorist. And then all of them will, under influence, start acting like the Russian or the Islamic Terrorist, making them impossible for me to deal with.
The Russian and the Terrorist walked out of the bar in shame while the American started belly-dancing on the counter.

:smoove:




And our third place goes to Keistl ! (OMG he got his third place!)

"Saffron, AppleCider and Nexus walk into a bar.

The bartender asks "What will you boys drink?"

Saffron says nothing because he is underage, AppleCider starts arguing about the prices of the bar and starts
shouting, Nexus asks "Why won't ya...hiccup...sell me some algohokl?????"
Bartender: "You are clearly way too drunk, i'm not selling you any alcohol sir."

So then Nexus proceeds to high five the bartender. In the head. With a chair."




Again if you see anything wrong please notify me about it.
If you have a suggestion, or a critique to give, please leave it in the comments.
I hope both our contestants and our voters enjoyed this contest and that I'll see you again in our next one!

Keistl
Feb 1st '16, 11:02 AM
Congratulations to the winners and what did i say Owner Zeff Gir - easy 3rd place? :maybe

Stein
Feb 1st '16, 11:48 AM
Yaaay finally I wonnered! :pbear:

Nekomamushi
Feb 1st '16, 12:09 PM
Congrats, guys :)

Uta
Feb 1st '16, 01:02 PM
Not as good as Eto but still not that bad. Congrats to Stein.
Keytits 3rd place? I bet he cheated. :fufufu
Kylo Ren Next win is yours. :smile

Nekomamushi
Feb 1st '16, 01:04 PM
Not as good as Eto but still not that bad. Congrats to Stein.
Keytits 3rd place? I bet he cheated. :fufufu
Kylo Ren Next win is yours. :smile

Why not go for another one, amirite?

Aertes
Feb 1st '16, 01:18 PM
Congrats, congrats

Owner Zeff
Feb 1st '16, 08:16 PM
Congrats to all the winners and Keistl good job xd

Overhaul
Feb 1st '16, 10:58 PM
Congratulation everyone :swag: